If Valentine’s Day has got you feeling depressed or panicked about the state of your life, it’s time to remember all the reasons why you got divorced.
There are two essential items every newly divorced woman must have within reach at all times: a pen and a notebook. There are going to be times, especially in the beginning of the divorce process, when nostalgia hits, tears fall, and we find ourselves mourning. That’s when we need to read our “Good Riddance” lists. Nothing is a better snap back to reality than reliving all the moments that led up to D-day.
It’s important that as divorced women, we always remember that our marriages ended for a reason. If our marriages were just based on the moments that made us smile, then they would still exist. The reality is that those memories were likely few and far between. The large gaps are filled with disappointing events, annoying habits, lonely nights, and irresolvable issues.
My Good Riddance list has 63 items. This process was a huge release of pent up anger. Every drip of ink from my pen sent my feelings to the wind. Today, an arsenal of Good Riddance pages later, I no longer blame myself for getting married and divorced. Instead, I’m proud I took a risk and removed myself from the situation.
Now, whenever any of my friends are going through a break-up, I recommend they make a Good Riddance list, too. This is also helpful in the post-divorce dating process.
What’s on your Good Riddance list?
GOOD RIDDANCE LISTS
In my book, Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s, I asked divorced women what’s on their Good Riddance lists.
Here are some of their responses:
“He used olive oil instead of gel on his hair, smelled like garlic, and had gross teeth.”
-Carly, New Hampshire
“For Valentine’s Day one year he bought himself a TV and $2,000 boxing match tickets for a trip he kept a secret. I'm a teacher and kids will get me gifts for the occasion, so he said he didn't have to get me anything.”
-Fiona, Maryland
“His ability to manipulate me and always make me feel like any conflicts we had were my fault, and that I was crazy or unreasonable. He created so much self-doubt in my head that I always questioned myself and believed that maybe he was right. I spent most of our relationship apologizing for things that were absolutely not my fault.”
-Jackie, Pennsylvania
“I hated that he wasn’t interested in any of my projects or things I cared about.”
-Juniper, Oklahoma
SISTER TO SISTER
“Don’t listen to anyone—only you know the situation. You are the one living your life, so don’t make yourself suffer!”
-Madison, New Jersey
LESSONS LEARNED
“I learned that I am way more badass than I ever imagined. I actually sort of like my sassy self. She’d been hidden for way too long. Also, I will never compromise myself for a man ever again. If he can’t handle me as I am, I don’t want him. And I don’t need a man. For a while I believed I needed him. Now I see how completely ridiculous that sentiment was! Also, I learned that weddings don’t make marriages, and I think too many people place too much emphasis on the wedding rather than the marriage. If I get married again I want the marriage experience, not the wedding experience.”
-Carly, New Hampshire
Be sure to get my book that inspired this all: Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s.
Always grateful,
Joelle
Empowering girls of all ages and life stages.
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